Reflections on the Teche

Redbud at Center St. Elementary School

Worry…Panic…Fear

“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Matthew 6:34 New American Standard Bible

I had my first panic attack last week.  It happened at school, of all places.  I woke up with a headache, so I decided not to go to exercise…first mistake.   Then right before I left for the day, I found pee at the back door.  (Sammy, the cat, is getting old and doesn’t use the litter box much anymore.)  I had to frantically clean the mess, putting me in a rush, an angry rush at that.  When I got to school, I went straight to the cafeteria where I have breakfast duty.  There my headache turned into a woozy, dizzy feeling.  I started to think about what would happen if I fainted right there in front of all the kids, the fatal mistake.  I left the cafeteria and went to the teacher’s lounge.  If I was going to faint, I did not want to be alone in my classroom.  When I walked in, I saw two kind teacher-friends.  That did it.  I told them I felt faint, went to the sofa, and started crying and shaking uncontrollably.  After a few minutes I could verbalize that I thought I was having a panic attack.  The teachers stayed with me, calming me, telling me it would all be OK.  Eventually I pulled myself together.  Another teacher-friend offered an ice pack while another offered me a Xanax she had in her purse.  I didn’t take the latter offer.

After a call to my doctor, I calmed down.  He told me to go about my regular day so I wouldn’t focus on “what’s wrong with me.”  I took his advice.  I felt tired and still had the headache most of the day, but I remained calm.  What caused this, I don’t really know.  The nurse at school suggested that the rushing and anger over the cat pee must’ve made my adrenaline kick in high gear leading to the attack.  Who knows?  I do know that I don’t want to ever have that happen again, but I also know that, if it does, I am not alone.  I live and work in a supportive environment.

A Google search told me that one out of every 75 people worldwide will experience a panic attack some time in their lifetime.  On Sunday, Deacon Diane Moore preached on worry, the Gospel reading.  She said that 118 million people in the US take some sort of anxiety medication.  I hope I don’t become one of them; although, if I continue to experience these attacks, I will definitely sign up for drugs.  But for now, I plan to focus on the beauty of spring.  I also plan to rely on the main point of Diane’s sermon…trust: Trust that God will be there.  I know bad things happen to good people, but with God on my side, as well as supportive and kind colleagues and friends, I’ll be fine.

“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?  Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions.  Don’t worry about missing out.  You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.”

 The Message// Remix: The Bible in Contemporary Language, Eugene H. Peterson