Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
Albert Einstein
The brush strokes of the professional are textured, nuanced, and sage.
Sarah Brown Wessling, 2010 National Teacher of the Year
I hear this advice, “Give yourself permission to fail,” but I don’t listen. I don’t really think of myself as a perfectionist, but when I fail, I beat myself up about it, especially when it involves the feelings of a child.
You guessed it, I made a mistake, and I am writing here to admit it and try to come to grips with it myself.
This week I directed the 4th annual Camp Genesis Art Camp at the Episcopal Church of the Epiphany. The Art Camp was the genius of my husband, Jeff. One night at dinner I said, “I want to do a fundraiser for Solomon House, but I want to do something that uses my talents.”
Jeff said two words, “Art Camp.” Thus the idea was born, and all I had to do was put it together. And today, after 4 years, we have a successful camp each summer serving 30 kids and profiting close to $4000 for Solomon House. I am proud of this accomplishment and grateful to all the wonderful people who have helped to make this idea a reality and such a positive experience.
Unfortunately, whenever you do something new and risky, mistakes will happen. My mother-in-law likes to quote former Governor Mike Foster that in any endeavor, 15% will go wrong.
For the last three art camps, we have held an auction on the Sunday following. I encourage the students all week to donate artwork to the auction. This can be very tough for some kids because they love their work. They want to show it to Mom and Dad and Grandma and don’t want to part with it. I understand this and give them the option with much praise for their generosity if they do give an item. Sometimes, they give us the work they don’t like because they are kids. This year two of them gave us this sort of work, incomplete and kinda unattractive, but, Goddoggit, that was no excuse for what I allowed to happen. I let the helpers re-do their work. Big mistake. It even goes against my philosophy of teaching. I guess that’s why it hurt so much when one of the art teachers told me how upset the student was that his work had been altered.
This feeling of having disappointed a child and having undermined their own sense of giving and accomplishment tears me up. I know I’ll never do it again. I know that everyone makes mistakes, and I am forgiven. And maybe even opening up my vulnerability in this public forum will help me deal with the pit of guilt in my gut.
I had the privilege last Friday to meet the National Teacher of the Year from 2010. She is gorgeous, inside and out. I wrote down many of her quotes, but one quote that I need to take to my heart today is, “Humility is at the center of great teaching.” Reflecting on your practice and knowing that you are not perfect leads to a passionate and wonderful teacher. That is the rainbow I will look for today.