Join the Tuesday Slice of Life
I read all of Caroline’s advice about writing in verse. The two things that stood out most for me were 1) Each chapter or verse must be able to stand alone, and yet 2) Each verse must move the story along. I considered a book I had started ages ago and put aside. Now I think I have discovered the key that will open this old book to a new life–verse. So I tried it out. I posted one chapter that I had reworked into a verse. Before I even hung around long enough to get feedback, I was reworking more chapters until Friday night at 8 PM, I had 16 verses. I am hooked. The process has come alive for me.
I am posting the verse/chapter I posted on Friday Feedback. The main character, Jean, is writing letters to God because her best friend Simone has lymphoma. She is struggling with her own self-doubts as any 13-year-old would as well as the illness of her friend. Let me know what you think.
Dear God,
Simone’s hair,
soft and thick,
wavy blond curls I envy,
started falling today,
in handfuls she handed to me.
We looked in the mirror,
side by side.
My hair, short and bobbed,
looked shiny and healthy
next to her balding spots
appearing and frightening.
At the wig store, we had laughed
at the large lady drawling out
r-e-e-e-a-a-l hair,
The wigs are made with REAL hair!
I chose a wig, too,
I’ve always wanted long hair.
Simone handed me a lock.
It fell over my fingers.
I held it to my face,
so soft, so long,
so sad.
Reflections on the Teche 
That is a very vivid description. I think you have beginning of another terrific book.
Bob Dylan says he wants every line of a song to make a good first line, and I think you’ve come rather close to that. Your imagery is simply profound.
Maya, as a partner in crime from Teachers Write, I really appreciate your kind comment.
Moving, and easy to read. Sometimes it gets too bogged down when you try to do a lot of verse. But this made me want to keep reading. I have to go read Friday’s Feedback, and Caroline’s and Sharon’s books. Seems a road I may want to try traveling! “Serendipitous stop” upon “serendipitous stop” perhaps…
My struggling readers and writers will feel relieved to see how vivid a story you can tell in so few words. They are frightened by length but still appreciate good storytelling. Your short verse gave such a complete picture, there is plenty of rich topic for discussion without having to worry through a long chapter. Thanks for sharing. I look forward to reading the finished work.
Wonderful to hear the excitement in your voice, Margaret! Sometimes I guess we just have to wait, & the ideas will come at the right moment. It seems that this happened to you! I have known a few students who had to face this reality for their friends, & I would wish they would not have to, but I love that you show this close relationship in this poem. It’s a good thing for both. Those last lines got to me, though. The repetition and the words rather slammed in at the end. Good for you!
That looks awesome so far and very touching.
Margaret,
I am so glad you were able to find something helpful in my post. What you’ve created is wonderful. Here’s to a grand finish!
Also, I used to live in Houma, right off of Bayou Black. 🙂 In fact, that’s where I wrote May B.
Caroline,
Thanks for stopping in. I hope we can keep in touch throughout my process. I pass Houma often on my way to visit my daughter in New Orleans. I-49 is completed going South and it’s a much quicker route and scenic too. I’m happy we have this connection.
It is interesting to think about how each verse should be able to stand alone but carry the story alone. That is an interesting challenge to figure out. I really like the last 5 lines of your poem – the lines are simple but each phrase poignant.
oops – meant carry the story along..
Margaret,
I can tell you are excited about the progress of your work. I am so happy to know that you are finding the words to tell the story in verse. Goodluck with the rest of the story-your description so far is very vivid and intense-a lot of emotion evoked here.
Thanks for sharing in a slice!
I don’t know May B, but I know and love both of Creech’s books that you mentioned. Must get my hands on May B. soon.
Don’t you love the title, May B.? Reminds me of Naomi Shihab Nye’s poetry book, A Maze Me.
Beautiful! So glad that you’ve found the spark to help you keep moving on 🙂