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Revision? Ugh! If you are a writer, revision is a necessary evil. Maybe not evil, but definitely necessary. If I am going to urge my students to revise, I must experience it myself.
I have a copy of Kate Messner’s Real Revision in my stack of professional books for the summer. It’s already dog-eared, written in, and sticky-noted. Each chapter ends with a section “Meet Mentor Author…” I decided for this post that I would take one piece of advice and apply it to an old draft of a poem. However, when I got started, I went in a different direction.
I’ve “met” Jeannine Atkins through Poetry Friday. Her exercise in Real Revision begins, “Try It: Jeannine Atkins tries to use concrete nouns- specific, precise words- and verbs that really suggest action.”
I pulled out my poem “Singing the Blues” that I wrote in a wordlab setting. I liked it but felt that it needed work. Jeannine’s exercise helped me attack the challenge, but once I started pinpointing precise words, I also made other changes. This is a good lesson for my work with students. A revision strategy such as this one by Jeannine can be a starting point, but I also should encourage other changes. Jump in with finding precise words, then move on to confirming the theme, changing the order, or adding in senses, metaphor, etc. Revision can be endless. We should teach our students that it can also be fun and satisfying when your writing takes shape and looks like a bird that may fly.
My brother, the performer, Hunter Gibson
Find Hunter’s music on the web here.
Singing the Blues
My mother sang blues in rhythm with her cleaning,
mopped on out to the shade of the oak tree
to cool off and cool down. That Mississippi sun
shone like Jupiter on a summer night.We played with fire.
The front yard burned.
Smoke rose to the gods,
Chatty Cathy and a set of Lincoln Logs—ashes.
Mom cried when she saw her begonias
seared like sausage on a stick.I buried my Barbies in the flowerbed, knelt
beside the snake of Eden—I am a sinner.
I Guess that’s Why They Call it the Blues
echoes from the microphone.Brother now plays the keyboard,
sways his Elton John head
above the noise of a crowded bar.
Does he remember?We were only children, for God’s sake!
What did we know about heat and rage then?
Our phoenix rose long ago.–Margaret Simon, all rights reserved
Reflections on the Teche 
I like how you handle a hefty topic with deftness & agility. I especially like the phrase “We played with fire,” because I went back & read the poem three times to understand. Wowza, what an image shared.
Oh my goodness. Such strong images. I love Kate’s Real Revision!
Very powerful. I think this is “a bird that may fly.”
[…] Margaret from Reflection on the Teche has some thoughts about revision and a bluesy poem about rising from the ashes. […]
Very vivid. My favorite part is the part where the kid buried the barbies and declared herself sinner. The last two lines are similarly thought-provoking. By the way, would you mind showing us the poem drafts? I’d like to see how revisions expanded this piece. Might be useful for others who are afraid to take apart everything they have written and tackle it from different side.
I originally thought I would post the before and after, but it’s a messy thing. And I wasn’t sure it would communicate the process any better and may have clouded the final product. Thanks for reading and commenting.
I have to agree completely, revisions are difficult. I’ve written enough poems and wish they were perfect at first draft, but sometimes white heat doesn’t cut it. Going back to the poem looking at it objectively can be pain.
I love the cadence of this poem and how concrete the images are in this poem. For some reason i love the line “shone like Jupiter on a summer night.” It stands out as a refreshing image.
Thanks. That line changed and changed back. I’m glad I kept it.
Oh my, this fiery poem gave me chills, Margaret! I don’t know why it’s so hard to let go of that first draft, but the power of revision can be a marvelous thing… thank you for showing me that.
I think it is harder for students who think the first draft is the only draft. I did have a hard time letting go of the first stanza so I left it as is. I just loved the image of my mother mopping to the blues.
Love the vivid images in your atmospheric poem, Margaret. The process of revision is where the real writing begins. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and wonderful poem.
Love you end line. Great poem.
Margaret, this is truly wonderful, with each stanza adding to the imagery, and each image adding to feeling and mystery. I’m honored that you could take my lines as a way in to deepen, and agree: once we cut things open in one way, other sometimes problems, always opportunities, appear. Taking out the knife for a revision is always tough, and what we have on most students is knowing that it will be worth that initial pain. A way to find more burning begonias, background songs that resonate, ashes, mopping on out to the shade.
Those first steps of revision are hard, like the first steps of writing. Once we start to see where we need to go, it gets easier. So lovely you can pass on your experiences to lucky students!
Without the first version, and the whole revision process, you never may never have found your way to this treasure! It really is a stunning poem, Margaret!
So true: “We should teach our students that it can also be fun and satisfying when your writing takes shape and looks like a bird that may fly.”
Your poem is amazing.
Just came from reading Jeannine’s new post on revision, Margaret – wise words about allowing some distance from one’s work. Love your visual of revision being a bird that can fly.