A friend of mine who knows I love butterflies called to say she had black swallowtail caterpillars all over her dill plant. I said, “I’m coming.” She gave me the whole pot. We have 5 caterpillars on the plant in a butterfly net in my classroom. I pulled out magnifying sheets and invited my students into an inquiry about the caterpillars. We started with what do you already know and then wrote 3-5 questions.
I think the whole process is nature’s magic, but when one student wanted to know what actually happens in the cocoon/chrysalis, we learned that the caterpillar ingests itself. Ew!
Grief can be like this really messy process. Growth only comes from going through the messy muck of grief. I often feel like I’m not doing it right or well. What is really meant when someone says, “She’s handling it well.” I tell you no one handles it well. No one! We handle it how we handle it. Sometimes that means gripping hard to the steering wheel and other times, it’s walking among the wildflowers weeping.
And just when you think you’ve gone the distance, you’ve gotten through, something else comes along to topple you over.
If we stop growing, grieving, changing, we stop living. Growth is happening every day. Spring reveals to us that even the plants that look bare and dormant will leaf out, will bloom, will grow. Don’t ignore the process. Tend it as you would a tiny, fragile caterpillar.
Life
after Ellen Bass, Relax
Bad things are going to happen.
You will leave the milk out;
It will sour.Bad things that leave you helpless.
A newborn cannot breathe on his own.
You will pray.Bad things are inevitable.
Some doctor will miss something important.
You will suffer.Bad things stop us in our tracks.
A squirrel will eat the coolant hose again.
You will be stuck.But one evening when you’re bone tired,
you will watch a video of your granddaughter.
You will laugh until you cry.Let it all come. You are living a life.
Margaret Simon
Reflections on the Teche 
Thank you this was needed this morning. The other night we were in one of those moments where you laugh you cry over a small silly thing. I became clear two of us were releasing a lot of stress. It felt great. The little four year old thought we were nuts but laughed along. Yes, to let it all come! Thanks
Those times when the littlest thing becomes hilarious are golden moments!
“Let it all come.” Such words of acceptance. I know the grief journey is a challenging one. Just when we think things are looking up, indeed something comes to topple us over and it’s always unexpected. I love this sentence from your post: “If we stop growing, grieving, changing, we stop living.” Thanks for your gentle words about growth today.
Everyone carries stuff, every one of us, but those who accept and celebrate even so is someone I am working to become.
Margaret: Wonderful, wonderful poem. Yes, I was just thinking how life is. How last night I heard the NYPhilharmonic, and today I have sinks full of muck. Plumber cleared the upper sink but forgot to check the basement, now it’s full of muck. Let it all happen. Laugh. Cry. Utter a few words that you hope no one ever hears. It’s all here, all we can do is learn and grow. Thank you for your insights.
You are so right! Last night we went out to hear a favorite band. Turns out a musician had been killed in a car accident, not someone we knew, but the band members were devastated. They played and we danced and smiled anyway.
“If we stop growing, grieving, changing, we stop living.” This line really struck a chord with me. If we stay still, do nothing, go nowhere then maybe nothing bad will happen to us. Is that living. We need to embrace all that comes our way, good or bad, because that is living. That is growing.
“Let it all come…” You humble me, Margaret, in embracing the messiness and seeing the gifts of grief and love and loss. I have walked with my sister on her particular road of loss these past three years. The hole doesn’t go away. But I’m certain the heart grows bigger around these holes. It must be the growth. That is living.