Are you enjoying retirement?
Isn’t retirement fun?
Questions I’ve heard nearly every day since retiring, but I haven’t settled into it quite like I thought I would. This morning my enneathought of the day said “Ignore your feelings.” Yeah, sure, you try!
In my notebook I wrote about this nagging anxiety, how every day I feel like there’s something I’ve forgotten to do. I had to buy a day planner. I’m making more lists than I ever did before. But I can’t shake the feeling.
A Box for my Anxiety
I’m putting anxiety away
in a wooden box that latches
with a key like the one
for my childhood diary.
Two matching tiny silver keys
on a chain buried beneath bracelets
where I can’t find them readily.
This feeling that belongs to me
is useless, a hidden weed
choking vibrant growth.
Be still, my sweet heart,
you got this. You know what to do.
Get busy.
Margaret Simon, draft
What feelings are you grappling with and need to put away?
Reflections on the Teche 
People assume so much, don’t they? When I retired, I was asked if it were to spend more time with my grandchild. That wasn’t even a possibility as their schedule didn’t allow it. And the assumption that retirement is heaven is quite popular as well. I’ve met many who hate retirement and either go back to work, or find a new career just to keep busy. We need open ended questions, rather than assumptions when asking about people’s lives.
Your poem is perfect. Putting away those anxieties, and those assumptions so that you can figure out what you want to do. Although I have a friend who is a “puppy cuddler” at a service dog training center, I am still figuring out what I want to do, day to day. “You got this”. But don’t pressure yourself to keep busy. Do what feels right, now.
I like the detail of the diary keys, Margaret! I always lost mine when I had a diary. You make a good point–some feelings are less helpful than others. Good luck as you encourage vibrant growth xo
I tried retirement, Margaret, but I wasn’t very good at it, so my wife suggested that if I enjoyed working I should continue to do what I loved, only less so. I won’t retire, I shall gradually fade into the background while continuing to write and read and be quietly subversive. Anxiety doesn’t actually know where I am and I am happy to keep it that way. May you find your happy ground and enjoy those simple pleasures around you.
Margaret, putting away anxiety is a very good idea. When I retired, I was fortunate to become an ELA Consultant for district schools via the county wide administration program. I loved the opportunity that lasted for 5 years. I went on conferences and enjoyed the training by the NYS Department of Education.
After the family’s 9 day trip to the different beaches – Cape May, NJ to the South Shore of Long Island, I feel better. The trip was therapeutic. I know what triggers the anxiety that still haunts me. The 2nd stanza in your poem holds truth. The 3rd stanza gives me a boost. May your retirement lead you to a new chapter.
Retirement looks entirely different from the outside and from the inside. From the outside when we were imagining it and from the outside as others watch as we find our way through the new territory. From the inside as we continue to grow and change.
I definitely have some destructive thoughts/feelings that need a box with keys I can hide or lose!
I’ve come to the conclusion that retirement means different things to different people. When I’m involved in volunteering or writing my husband and kids will often say “I thought you retired.” Sometimes I look at others and think maybe I should be traveling more, or trying new things, or exercising in new ways. But usually, those things just don’t feel right. I think that’s the key – doing what feels right. I think the transition, especially for teachers, takes time. You’ll find it.
I had looked forward to retirement and no longer needing to make the long commute, but the first couple of years were very hard. My grandchildren live too far for me to spend more time with them, my husband was still working, and all of my friends were either still teaching or were busy traveling or with their own grandchildren. My plan was to finally write full-time. That didn’t happen. Instead, I sank into a deep depression. I felt lost, especially at the start of the new school year. I didn’t know who I was anymore. Like you, I bought a planner and made lists of things I wanted to do each day. Eventually, I got into a new routine. Some days, I don’t feel very productive or like I’m making a difference anymore. Other days, I’m so busy I wonder how I ever had time to work! I find that having projects I can work on every day gives me a purpose. I’m very grateful for the freedom retirement has brought me. I’ve now been retired for eight years. The beginning of a new school year still tugs at me a little, but not as much as it used to. I think what you are feeling is the same that many of us experience. It’s a huge transition, and it takes time to adjust. You’ll get your groove back. I’m sure of it! Wishing you all the best in your new chapter!
Linda, thanks so much for sharing your story. It helps so much to know I’m not alone or crazy for feeling this way.