Holly invites us to reflect on our spiritual journey every Thursday. This week’s theme is Forgiveness, but I am being one of those students who is writing off-topic.
I was reading with one of my students about Buddha. A woman whose child was dead came to him asking for a miracle. Buddha told her if she could find a house that death had not visited, he would save her child. Of course, this proved impossible. The woman accepted the child’s death and buried him.
Death affects us all. But a young vibrant girl should not have to face the death of her mother.
Yesterday I got the news that Emily’s mother had died suddenly and unexpectedly. Emily is a fourth grade student. She bounces into class. She hums songs all the time. She is full of life and joy. Emily should not have to face the death of her mother.
After I heard the news, I called Emily’s grandmother and gave her my cell number saying Emily could call me anytime. She did. It was good to hear her voice, but it was shaky and small and sad. I held back my tears, told her I loved her, and reminded her of Dot Day, the happy day we had together on Monday.
Later I called Healing House, a nonprofit organization that helps grieving children. What gentle calming voices! They told me they have a “koping kit” that they can drop off for us at the school. I talked to the director about how to tell my other students. She said to be as honest as possible. She also told me to allow them to come up with ways to comfort Emily.
My students are amazing; however, I don’t ever want to see those expressions again. Their eyes immediately shone with tears. Their mouths fell open. We talked, and I kept my own tears at bay. We decided they would write personal messages to Emily on our blog. On the post, I put a picture of Emily’s dot. One of the students brought up how happy we all were on Dot Day. I am grateful that I allowed them to have a day of pure creative fun.
These are some of their comments:
I am so sorry. We are crying tears for you. I hope to you see you soon. I am looking forward to cheering you up. I wish you and your family love and happiness. Hope you feel better. Kielan
I’ve gone through the same thing Emily. My grandfather died in 2012 and it took me a whole month to get over it. The whole GT class is worried for you. We hope you feel better real soon. Nigel
I do not know what the next few days or weeks will bring. None of us do. We will all experience tragedy as we all experience love and joy. My prayer for Emily is that she will become strong and resilient. She will be the best she can be. She will love life again and feel joy. For now, we will be present with her in her grief.
Margaret, YOU are Emily’s teacher for a reason. It’s so hard to see them in pain and grieving. Last year, I dealt with the same thing and your words brought me right to that place. When my student returned to school, I gave her a notebook…just for her…for anything she needed to write. She carried it with her everyday for the rest of the year. Praying for you as you help your students cope with this tragedy. If I can be of any help (having gone through this last year, please email me!!)
Michelle, Thanks for your support. I do feel that God is with me and Emily through this. I think I will get her a special notebook. She loves to write.
Margaret, I am so sorry. May you and your class find the strength to help Emily through this year ahead. You may know this book by Georgia Heard – https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1201630.This_Place_I_Know_Gift_Edition and this website may offer you some book suggestions too – http://booksthathealkids.blogspot.com/ I am thinking about you and this beautiful child. xo
Thank you so much for the resources. Georgia Heard is one of my favorites.
Every day we do good things is a good thing, and having that time together on Monday may give Emily and her classmates something to cling to as you all love each other through this. I experienced this with a student over a school year, Margaret, her father came to early conferences but was ill, and slowly became worse through the year, passed away in June. I’m so sorry for Emily, and for your students to have to face the fact that parents might die. You’ve already done such wonderful things. What a great teacher you are!
Thanks so much. I am feeling so well supported and loved through this community of bloggers. There is heartache in teaching because the children are our own.
That’s just heartbreaking. Emily is blessed, though, to have you and her classmates care for her during such a sad time.
Margaret, thank you for being their for Emily and her classmates. This is overwhelmingly heartbreaking. I don’t know how you kept it together for the kids, but they are so lucky to have you. So so sad.
Thanks. We are all helping each other. The white board is covered with their messages to Emily.
Your post brought tears to my eyes–I can only imagine how hard it is for you as a teacher to stay strong in the face of such sorrow. You are right that your students and especially Emily should not have to face such a personal tragedy at their ages. I hope they find comfort in comforting Emily.
Margaret, in the face of tragedy we have faith and hope to get us through. You are the supporter and guide for this young child. Your gesture of being a listener, a teacher, a giver is worth its weight in gold. After going through a diagnosis of lymphoma 10 years ago, I know that life is fragile and full of surprises. With faith we cross the bridges that lead to hope. May Emily experience this in years to come. You and your students will be there for her.
This is so sad, Margaret. No idea how you kept it together, but bless you for being there for Emily. Sending love.
I went through this last year three times, and it never got any easier. My heart goes out to you, her family, and your students. Little did she know that her happy dot with all the colors, may just have a special meaning…
a tear of sadness
surrounded by life
as she grows
honoring her mother’s memory
sunshine to brighten
the dark days ahead
a circle of stars
the twinkling of her mother’s eyes
watching and guiding her
and many hearts
from her friends
holding her with love
This is totally rough draft and I really have no idea where this came from…I guess my heart!
Oh my, Leigh Anne, thanks for the lovely poem. I will share it with Emily when she returns to school. The visitation is today and I have a gift package from Healing House to bring to her. There’s a stuffed doll in it that she can hold and cry on. I am so touched by everyone’s kindness.
Margaret, I’m so sorry to hear about Emily’s loss. It sounds as if you have an empathetic group of students who will care for Emily and surround her with loving kindness.
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Margaret, I missed reading your post, so sad for Emily. Blessings to you and your students as you move forward with Emily. Your closing words are so hopeful and comforting – “For now we will be present with her in her grief.”
I pray for solace and courage for Emily, her family, your class, and you.
Praying for Emily, her family, your class, and you . . . may you reach out with healing hands to help ease the worst type of suffering we face as humans.
I’m grateful that Emily has you and her class.
[…] Emily. She is a fourth grader whose mother died unexpectedly this fall. I wrote about her here and here. She has been reluctant ever since to read sad books. She gave up on Love that Dog […]