I know May is supposed to be my favorite month of the year. There’s Teacher Appreciation Week with its gifts and food, food, food. There’s Mother’s Day with more gifts, more food. And then there’s this end of the school year count down. How many more days are left?
The end of the year is not a joyful time for me. I am looking back on the year and thinking; Did I do all I could? Did I make a difference? Are my students ready to move on?
I’m faced with packing up the classroom (make that three classrooms), making them stark and uninviting, covering computers, cleaning out cubbies, trash, trash, trash…
But the hardest part for me are the last days when my students come sporadically (I teach gifted pull-out). How can I plan anything with substance? We review for summer reading. We create writing anthologies. We play games.
Then there are the goodbyes. I teach my students year after year, so when they leave me, I’ve usually had them for multiple years. Letting go is hard.
Here I am looking at the countdown my students have written on the board, 7 days left. Seven? Seven! Where did the time go? I’m not ready.
Your up and down feelings come through so clearly in this piece because of all your specific details. It feels like the definition of bittersweet. And you are a true teacher, asking Did I do enough? instead of only counting down for it to be over. Hang in there.
I’m with you – the end of the year is no fun. And then I got an email from an administrator yesterday wanting to come observe my teaching today. What?
Good luck. It’s not the best timing.
Endings are so hard! I wrote a bit about that today too. The worry about did I do enough is real- I feel it too! Good luck with your goodbyes.
I can tell you put your heart and soul into these kids. We all ask ourselves the same questions at this time of the year. They are hard and painful times. I hope you are able to take some of this time to celebrate the accomplishments you and your students have made! All the growth!
Thanks for the reminder to celebrate.
I know what you mean. I try to enjoy the last few days even though it gets hard to do because I think about what I could have done, but didn’t; what I could have said, but didn’t; what I could have celebrated, but didn’t because I was too busy fixating on silly stuff. Hard time of the year.
Margaret, this speaks to my heart. You’re on day G. I’m on day W. And this year, with retirement looming, the questions seem larger.
Letting go is difficult. Savor each day. Thank you for this slice as I begin my day with intention.
7 more days?! We have 6 more weeks! So I’m a little jealous – which is funny because, like you, I find the end of the school year mostly bittersweet. My mother-in-law talks about anticipatory grieving, especially around departures. I like the phrase & have adopted it. Here’s hoping your anticipatory grieving leaves a little space for reflection on what went well.
Anticipatory grieving is exactly the funk I’ve put myself into. I do need to reflect and celebrate the golden moments. Thanks.
I think teaching requires so much giving on our part, that when the year ends we can easily feel drained and depleted. Perhaps you could invent a ritual that would counteract this annual mood and be shared with other teachers having similar feelings.
I have my own ritual. I escape to my parents’ home on the lake for a few days. I’m sure I’ll write about it in a few weeks.
Bittersweet — sadness of farewell and reflections of “I could’ve / should’ve” in the midst of May celebrations do make blue moments. I think it is the best teachers who feel this the most. Rejoice because you have accomplished much!
So true. I teach struggling readers but I have the same thoughts…..did I do enough?
I think that one who truly loves teaching and builds a bond with each student finds the end of the year bittersweet. 🙂
Sending you hugs, Margaret. I can only imagine how attached you become to these students, and I am certain they to you! What lucky, lucky students. Envious of your 7 days. I have 5 1/2 weeks left. 😦
We have another 30ish days…maybe a little less. Like you, I’m feeling overwhelmed by the year end demands and those questions—Did I do enough? How could I have done more or better? In theory, I still have a bit of time, but spring is insane and interruptions are the norm rather than the exception. Wishing you a wonderful end of the year! (PS I hope when you visit your parents, you’ll make sure to mention the geese!) (PSS–I love Amanda’s mother-in-law’s phrase “anticipatory grieving.”)
The end of the year is so bitter sweet, right? We have a few more days than you… We aren’t done until the second week of June.
I bet you could also find so much to reflect on for what you have given and gotten from your students.
It will be hard, Margaret. Shed your tears and don’t hold them back. You have poured heart & soul into these very fortunate kiddos! Celebrate their accomplishments and know that you had a key role in them. Those boys and girls will forever be changed because you were their teacher!!
That’s amazing that you have only 7 days left, Margaret. Perhaps your blue days will change into golden ones with bright smiles for summer will bring joy.
[…] some, it can be a time of some sadness. My friend Margaret @ Reflections on the Teche recently published a blog post titled “May Blues” where she shared her own struggles […]