For Spiritual Thursday, Chris suggested we write about “those who have passed and left something behind in our hearts.” My father died 5 months ago. My grief returns when I’m struck by something I want to share with him. A few weeks ago, we were driving to my daughter’s house to watch the LSU game and without realizing it, I thought about calling my dad to see if he was watching the game. Bam! Before I knew it, tears were welling up and I couldn’t speak.
I’ve started listening to a new podcast with Anderson Cooper on grief, All There Is. The episodes I’ve listened to are powerful and poignant. While I was blessed to have my father for 61 years, loss is loss is loss.
Anderson Cooper interviewed Stephen Colbert, and I was touched by what Colbert said about grief.
It’s a gift to exist. And with existence comes suffering. There’s no escaping that. But if you are grateful for your life. Then you have to be grateful for all of it… I have some understanding that everybody is suffering and however imperfectly, acknowledge their suffering and connect with them and to love them in a deep way that makes you grateful for the fact that you have suffered so that you can know that about other people. I want to be the most human I can be, and that involves acknowledging and ultimately being grateful for the things that I wish didn’t happen because they gave me a gift.
Stephen Colbert, All There is
I’m not sure I am at the point at which I can be grateful for the pain of loss, but I can be grateful for the life my father had and the legacy he left behind.
Last weekend my sister and I visited my mother. We took her to church on Sunday. We have a family history at St. James. When my parents were married there, my mother’s father served the church as a priest. I was baptized, confirmed, and married there. When I walked down the aisle holding my mother’s hand, we both got teary-eyed. My father’s ashes reside in the church walls in the columbarium. His presence was with us in that moment.
I subscribe to Suleika Jaouad’s The Isolation Journals newsletter. A recent writing prompt suggested composing a prayer beginning with the Sanskrit prayer, “May creatures everywhere be happy, healthy, and free.” Here is my prayer:
May creatures everywhere be happy, healthy, and free.
Margaret Simon
May you sleep as soundly as my old dog Charlie on his therapeutic bed.
May you laugh as loudly as my granddaughter Stella on Facetime, eating a cookie, crumbs all around her mouth, smacking between giggles.
May your muscles feel as stretched and tired as mine after yin yoga class,
still tingling from pigeon pose.
May our paths cross on a fall evening when the breeze is cool, and we see the bright light of Jupiter, shining with eternal hope.
May we share a moment of memory of a life we knew was good.
May we cry a little.
May you look forward to tomorrow feeling the peace of knowing you are prepared.
Yes, and be still
and know God
as the deepest, most truthful,
and holy part
of you.
Reflections on the Teche 
Margaret…Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts and feelings. I know we’re all different, but if it’s of any help or comfort, I learned awhile ago to put all emotions in the same human ‘basket’ and accept them as they come and go…I’ve come to expect certain experiences that trigger the wound of early loss of my dad, and I cry as if it was yesterday, and go on. For me, that feels okay, and in a way, comforting.
That is not, of course, the same as feeling grateful for the harder, more painful emotions, but I suppose I would say (at my stage of life, or having experienced 2-1/2 years of covid, or whatever) that I am grateful for the ability to experience all the emotions that make us human. And now that I think about it, I am so grateful to have poetry—and a great big community of other poets I admire and learn from—to balance the natural presence of those more painful feelings.
Again, thank you for sharing this beautiful post—I always look forward to your words.
Margaret, knowing that your father’s ashes are kept in the church’s walls is such a comforting thought. You felt his presence – a very spiritual moment. Your prayer poem is universal and inclusive offering positive thoughts and inspiration:
“be still
and know God
as the deepest, most truthful,
and holy part
of you”. Peace to you always!