“Some days are like that…even in Australia” were the wise words of the mother to Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst. It’s good advice. This mother empathizes and reassures Alexander that life will go on and tomorrow will be better.
This message in my inbox this morning:
What would happen if you stopped trying to understand yourself today? Would your world fall apart?
This morning is a new day, and I’m not feeling as sad or overwhelmed. I won’t chew on my heartstrings all day today. I have children to teach. This is what I am telling myself anyway.
Grief is a weird thing. We all have it in our backpacks that we carry through our lives. Sometimes, it stays back there, weighing little to nothing. You think you’ll be fine. Hey, look what I am carrying with little or no effort. Aren’t I the strong one?
Then someone hugs you, touches your shoulder, gives you that look of empathy, and you crumble. Yesterday our choir master was back at church after a few months away. His mother had been diagnosed with end stage cancer and after she died, his father willed himself to follow her. They had been married over 70 years. This is not my story to tell, but it may give some context for why my own grief hit me hard yesterday. I was overjoyed to see him, but as soon as I hugged him, the tears welled up.
I wanted to understand these feelings. It was Sunday and all the while I did my Sunday chores, yard work, laundry, and so on, I wanted to understand and the more I tried to understand, the more I cried.
Today is a new day. I am breathing. I have a plate full of things to do. I will be OK.
Without even knowing what was going on with me, my friend texted me this affirmation:
I offered my best self today.
Source unknown
It doesn’t matter if I did everything perfectly.
The day is now past and I will let it be.
I am looking forward to the morning.
I have the power to make tomorrow a great day.
I will feed my strength with sleep.
Tomorrow I will grow further.
Today is a new day, a new week, and I don’t have to understand myself.
Reflections on the Teche 
This is beautiful and powerful. Thank you for sharing. Sending love.
The complex emotions that are nestled in this piece are powerful; yet, your description of how grief sits just under the surface ready to be fueled is most poignant. I do wish you a new day and that power to endure and be OK.
Thanks Anita. So far so good. I feel like I was washed clean in a way. Probably something I needed to go through.
I think the most difficult thing about living with grief is the absolute randomness of when it can overwhelm us. I do believe that tears are cleansing, but they are never predictable. Love this line from the affirmation: “I will feed my strength with sleep.”
Such wise words. I think tears are so cathartic and I understand the feeling you described. When you offer love and support to someone who is hurting, it brings up similar feelings within us. Feeling those feelings and releasing them through our tears is, in my opinion, an important part of the process. I love how you described the weight of grief.
Thanks for this. I sometimes feel I am crazy and have little control. I need to learn a new perspective: strength in shared experiences and tears.
I can feel the weight of your grief with your words, but I also feel your deep breath. I am copying that affirmation down in my notebook because I am sure it will bring me comfort when I need it. I hope your day was better an full of promise.
Thanks, Leigh Anne. I had a good Monday even though I forgot about my Dr appointment that I had made a year ago, so I had to find people to cover for me. But they did and all is well.
This line made me nod in recognition, “the more I tried to understand, the more I cried.” Grief is such a complicated feeling and you express it well here, even if you are trying not to seek understanding right now (so hard in and of itself). I love the affirmation & am writing it down. May your grief rise and fall as you love others and allow yourself to be loved.
You touched one of the tender things for me “allowing yourself to be loved” and I’m also triggered by thoughts of being someone who is lovable. Complicated, yes.
Thanks for sharing those feelings that well up, sometimes feeling so overwhelming. I need reminders that we are not always in control of what we feel, what we remember. Let’s be kind to ourselves and to each other. “…and I don’t have to understand myself.”
I believe that our vulnerabilities connect us more than our strengths. Today was a good day. I feel much better. Thanks for reading and caring.