Last weekend we kept two of my grandchildren overnight. It was an opportunity to get them out in the canoe on the bayou. Leo is almost 7, so Jeff decided it was time to put him in the front to paddle. He doesn’t have a powerful stroke, but he knows how to put the paddle in and push. He was also very curious and aware of the nature around us. We watched an egret fly from place to place as we got closer to it.
I’ve been listening to Maggie Smith’s Dear Writer. I need to just buy a copy because I want to reread her wisdom and model poems, but the audio has her voice which I also love on The Slowdown. She has wonderful insight into metaphor, especially extended metaphor.
I offered this poem for critique with the Inklings last weekend. I used the metaphor cypress lighthouse and one of them asked, “What is a cypress lighthouse?” I guess I wasn’t clearly using the word lighthouse as a metaphor. Maggie Smith suggests letting the title hold more weight for a poem. I’ve attempted this because I wanted to keep the lighthouse metaphor.
To the Great White Egret in a Tall Cypress Tree
The new slant of autumn sun
blooms in a cypress lighthouse.
You light up like a swamp lily,
shining above our bayou.
How could I describe the richness
of my life?
Watching your white wings
hold a stillness—
a moment
of daylight,
perched and ready
for what change
may come.
Margaret Simon, draft
Reflections on the Teche 
I love your image and description of the stillness…Not long ago, I walked with a friend in familiar gardens where I’d seen blue herons from a great distance, but on this day we happened upon one standing, statuesque for almost half an hour, only about six feet from us. It was mesmerizing, calming, and incredibly peaceful.
Love how you made this a poem of address. I can feel the awe you felt with this magnificent bird. What an experience for Leo!
Maggie Smith’s book is worthy of purchase. I am still going through all the poems she references, most of which I could find online.
Love the vision you’ve given us, Margaret! Does your egret stay? I watch a couple of egrets at the lake I visit, but they are now gone, knowing winter is coming. It’s special to read of and see the pic of Leo out with you, growing up!
Yes, egrets will stay as do the blue heron. Thanks for your comment.
Nice, addition to make the title hold more weight. Now the lighthouse comes into view. I like how the sunshine on its wings “blooms” in the tree. Beautiful.
Oh, yes, Margaret, the title does the heavy lifting and then the lighthouse metaphor is perfectly clear!
This tiny tweak offers a mighty lesson for us all. 🙂
“How could I describe the richness of my life?” Margaret, this is a beautiful question, especially in light of the loss and grief you’ve journeyed with. It’s a question I will carry. Thank you!
PS — Get the hard copy of Dear Writer! I’ve gone back to it over and over.
Way to work the title! Definitely clarifies. Your whole poem is now like a slant of light.
Such a great example of how a title can add to a poem. Your visuals are so lovely in this poem. Thank you for sharing.
Love the beginning line with “cypress lighthouse”—wonder-filled metaphor. And then your contrast, with such premonition in that ending line… thanks Margaret!
This poem is even more delightful illustrated by the boy in the front of the canoe clearly seeing the egret up ahead. I love that phrase, “hold a stillness.” It’s just perfect in this poem and photo. I hope you submit this pairing somewhere local to you. It’s such a good representation of life.
Oh, this is lovely, Margaret – I could see and feel the golden light while reading. And, yay for nature adventures with the grand-littles! :0)
That was me – Robyn HB. WordPress!!