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Put on your best Antoinette

Posted in Slice of Life, Spiritual Growth, tagged 8 Habits of Love, Antoinette Tuff on August 27, 2013| 8 Comments »

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I have been writing this blog for two and a half years. I usually write Slice of Life stories, poems, or about activities I do with my students. I have tried to keep from making any kind of political statement. But when I heard last week about the bravery of Antoinette Tuff, I decided I had to speak up.

When the tragedy of Sandy Hook happened last December, it touched everyone around the country. Teachers were especially effected as we heard of the sacrifices our colleagues made for their students. We had to ask ourselves what we would do in a similar situation. And in this day of unlimited access to guns along with limited access to mental health care, our fear is a realistic one.

Our school system responded with a new mandate that our classroom doors had to be kept locked. While I understand the reasons, I am not comfortable with the atmosphere it creates. When I walk down the halls and pass all the locked doors, I feel alone, not safe. I miss seeing my colleagues and hearing the voices of active classrooms. Most of all, this response spreads fear, not love, to our students.

When we started inservice training days before this school year, we reviewed the crisis plan. While last year we were told students had to stand against the wall during lockdown, this year they are to lie flat on the floor. While last year we were admonished for leaving any crack in the blinds, now we were told to leave a space so the authorities can look in. In all honesty, nobody really knows what will save us.

Nobody, that is, but Antoinette Tuff. She responded with love, not fear.

He said that no one loved him, and I told him that I loved him and that it was going to be OK. –Antoinette Tuff

I have been writing this summer about Ed Bacon’s 8 Habits of Love. Antoinette Tuff probably has never heard of this book, but she knew that the perpetrator needed to feel loved. And her act of love saved countless lives, as well as the life of the gunman.

We don’t need more guns, more guards at our schools, or training of teachers to carry guns (heaven-forbid). We need more Antoinettes. A woman who reacted with love, not fear or hatred. She spoke bravely and made a personal connection. I pray that we have no more school shootings, but instead of locking my door and barricading it with desks, I hope I can put on my best Antoinette and face adversity with love.

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Community

Posted in Slice of Life, Spiritual Growth, Teaching, tagged 8 Habits of Love, community, Ed Bacon on August 20, 2013| 13 Comments »

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As the school year begins and gains speed, the Habit of Community makes me think of the school community and our classroom communities. Ed Bacon’s book 8 Habits of Love ends with this habit. All seven habits (Generosity, Stillness, Truth, Candor, Play, Forgiveness, and Compassion) lead to this final one. He begins the last chapter with the epigraph from John Donne, “No man is an island, entire of itself.”

Class group hug

The Habit of Community lets us know that we are not, in fact, alone. Each of the other Habits of Love ultimately leads to this most critical, life-affirming habit. –Ed Bacon

Life-affirming, that is the reason, the meaning, of community. We are all in this together. Community is designed to help us through the darkness and to celebrate the light. Tragedies put our communities to the test. In most cases, the Habit of Community saves its loved ones from fear and leads them to healing.

I pray that my classroom community will not be tested by tragedy, but everyday there are failures to be reassured and successes to be celebrated. We have a responsibility to encourage a sense of community so that our students feel safe to be who they are. They learn empathy and generosity by our modeling.

True Community encourages everyone to clarify their own values without having to agree with the group. There are few experiences that bring more energy to the soul than belonging to a durable Community without the pressure of having to agree. –Ed Bacon

One thing that stands out to me about the Habit of Community is that we have to open up ourselves to vulnerability in order for others to connect to us. Recently, a friend’s son had his first child. The baby was born early and had some difficulties. He posted daily on Facebook about the progress of his son and his wife’s recovery. I found myself looking for his updates every day, and I know that the support of all of us reading them helped him get through this difficult time. They are all home now and becoming the family they were meant to be. Somehow, though, I feel blessed from having shared in this journey.

We now have so many more ways to connect with our wider community. If we can use the social media to spread the Habits of Love rather than fear, to encourage the life-light in each person, to be there for each other, we can spread the energy of peace and health to the world. We can inspire change. We can be a community.

I want to take this opportunity to thank the community of Two Writing Teachers Slice of Life Tuesdays. We are all teachers together on a journey to provide the best for our students. We are a supportive, encouraging, and loving community, and I am proud to be a part.

In what ways will you build community in your classroom? A community of belonging, a community of trust, a community of learning?

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The Habit of Compassion

Posted in Slice of Life, tagged 8 Habits of Love, compassion, Ed Bacon on August 13, 2013| 9 Comments »

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Duperier Bridge Sunset

To be rich in admiration and free from envy, to rejoice greatly in the good of others, to love with such generosity of heart that your love is still a dear possession in absence or unkindness – these are the gifts which money cannot buy.

Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894)
Essayist, Poet, Novelist

The 7th Habit of Love in Ed Bacon’s 8 Habits of Love is Compassion. Compassion is not just about kindness, or generosity, or even pity. Compassion is deeper, stronger. Compassion leads us to empathy, then to action.

The Habit of Compassion is, at its core, about acting on the knowledge that everyone is a God carrier…It distinguishes between charitable empathy in which we seek to wipe out others’ pain or discomfort,and incites us to action in which we honor their future by helping them, help and honor themselves. The Habit of Compassion reminds us that none of us is as evil as our worst act; no evil deed or deeds can erase the goodness and love at the core.

The belief in the God carrier, that everyone is essentially good leads to tolerance and love. We can spread this love through our actions, our words, and our being. I had the opportunity to show compassion in April of this year when I helped a homeless woman. You can read the story here. I never found out what happened to her, but I must believe that my small act of compassion encouraged her. In addition to practicing kindness, we must believe that kindness changes people.

Naomi Shihab Nye’s poem Kindness moves me. “Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside, you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.”

Before you can be compassionate, you must know the compassion of others. I have felt the compassion of others at my worst moments. One I remember was a few years ago when I had what I later figured out was a panic attack in the lounge at school. I had never had one before and haven’t since. I don’t remember what brought it on except I was feeling nauseated and fearful. A colleague looked at me and said,”Are you OK?” And I lost it. I started crying uncontrollably. I ended up on the sofa with a wet cloth on my head. One teacher stayed with me and comforted me until I felt better. This expression of compassion made me feel like I was not alone and not a complete fool. Her presence was enough.

Ed Bacon speaks a lot about having compassion for those who have done some wrong or evil. When the terrible tragedy at Sandy Hook happened last year, one of my students was quick to remind us all that the killer was a person, too, and he died. I was moved by her compassion for him. Often the evil someone does comes from a place of deep anger or emotional distress. And who are we to judge? Compassion does not excuse the evil or make it less horrible. However, when we react to aggression with aggression, what we get is more aggression. The vicious cycle. Compassion frees us of this cycle and helps us to move forward in love.

In what ways can you encourage compassion in your classroom this year? Bullying is an issue that has come to the forefront in education. I plan to read aloud two books that show kindness over bullying, Wonder by R.J. Palacio and Kate Messner’s Sea Monster and the Bossy Fish. If I teach compassion, show compassion, and live compassion, my students will know love and practice the habits of love, too.

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Being a Piece of the Wind

Posted in Slice of Life, tagged hot-air balloon on August 6, 2013| 16 Comments »

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On Saturday, I went on a ride of a lifetime. Several months ago, I was out walking Charlie and saw a hot-air balloon flying over our neighborhood. I shot some pictures with my phone and sent them to the local newspaper. They printed one with my name in a caption. The owner of the balloon saw the picture. He knew my husband, so he gave Jeff his card and said, “This is good for one balloon ride for you and your wife.”

In ballooning, everything depends on the weather and the direction and speed of the wind. Ted called me Friday morning and said he had plans to ride on Saturday morning. He promised to call and wake us up if he was going. At 5:30 AM, our phone rang loud and jarring. “Meet me at 6:15.”

Everything I knew about hot-air balloons came from The Wizard of Oz. I’ve only seen a few in my life and from far away. Ted involved us in the whole process, not just to teach us, but he needed the extra hands. I was surprised at how much work goes into launching and landing a balloon. Ted was meticulous about every step, and he had done it many times, so I was not at all afraid. His “crew” were two women. They were excited to try out the new cart for the balloon. In the 20 years they have been working together, they always bagged the balloon and lifted it into the trailer. Ted, being a mechanical engineer, made a cart using a janitor cart. He added thicker wheels and a rolling pen to the handle to help guide the balloon out of and into the cart. He even thought to attach the handles high, so you wouldn’t have to lean down to pull it.

The genius balloon cart

Once the balloon was out strewn across the field, Ted set up a fan to get the balloon inflated. Jeff and I held either side and watched as the huge stained glass nylon got bigger and bigger. Eventually, the balloon was inflated enough to be heated. This was the only part that scared me, the fire. He shot huge flames into the balloon. Each shot of fuel made me jump.

The lift off of a hot-air balloon is incredibly smooth and quiet. Before we knew it, we were floating in the air. Ted told us we were just a piece of the wind. I felt I was standing on the air, like Lois Lane when she first flies with Superman. Soft, quiet, peaceful. And the views! We could see so far. But it was difficult to understand where we were. Ted pointed out landmarks to us. He said, “Trees are our friends. Power-lines are not.” I understood the power-line problem. I later asked him why trees are our friends. He explained that the tops of trees can help to slow him down. They are not hard like the trunk. The branches are soft and bend easily.

The flight was over before I knew it. Finding a place to land was tricky. We had to find an empty lot with no power lines. We ended up landing in the side yard next to a house in a neighborhood. People were coming out of their houses to watch us. Imagine if you woke up one Saturday morning to look outside and see a hot-air balloon in your backyard. Some neighbors brought us water. Taking down was harder. It was hotter, and we were standing in thick wet grass with gnats. Once we had packed everything back up into the trailer, Ted invited us to breakfast at a local cafeteria. Sweet potato pancakes topped off my most perfect morning.

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The Habit of Forgiveness

Posted in Slice of Life, tagged 8 Habits of Love, Ed Bacon, forgiveness on July 30, 2013| 11 Comments »

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The only essential to practicing the habit of Forgiveness is a genuine wish for both yourself and your adversary to become whole. Naturally, there are times when we cannot manage this. But we will see that, in genuinely opening ourselves to the power of Forgiveness, we ourselves become free. –Ed Bacon

I have come to understand that forgiveness is absolutely essential to happiness, wholeness, and love. What kind of person would I be if I still held on to the hurts of childhood bullying? What kind of life would I lead if I could not forgive? Forgiveness allows us to move on and be free.

When I discovered that my forgiveness of someone did not mean that I had to be in relationship with them, I was freed. Years ago, I was hurt over and over again by the same person. And, stupid me, I kept going back for more. Like I somehow deserved the condescension. I failed to see how I was in control of my own life. I matured and got wiser, but also I had someone who valued me as a person help me see the problem. Forgiveness, however, took longer. I ended the relationship, but I was still chewing on her critical words. Still feeling unworthy and unloved. Oh, the power I was giving this person, I shudder to think about it now.

Forgiveness became a process. I first had to realize my own weaknesses, my own contribution to the situation, and then I had to truly forgive. However long and hard, it was well worth it. Now I recognize when I am giving someone power over my sense of self-worth. I am independent and strong. A strong sense of self is necessary for forgiveness to happen.

Ed Bacon says that the Habits of Love require us to take responsibility for our own state of being. I am the only one responsible for my choices. I am also not perfect. So I have to learn to forgive myself, my weaknesses and faults, first. I can choose to be a victim, whining about how someone else is responsible for my happiness. However, this is a false identity. I must be truthful to myself before I can reach out to others.

Forgiveness opens doors. It allows our creative gifts to shine forth. If we get caught in the vicious cycle of our past, we get stuck and cannot move on to a productive, happy life. We must take on the responsibility of forgiveness to ourselves and to others. Living a life of love, rather than fear, gives us the inspiration to forgive.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

Mahatma Gandhi

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Chicago Weekend

Posted in Slice of Life, tagged Animoto, Chicago, family vacation, Travel on July 23, 2013| 9 Comments »

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The Bean in Millennium Park.

We just got home from Chicago last night, so I wasn’t going to do a Tuesday Slice of Life. But I read Katherine Sokolowski’s blog post this morning about her day trip to Chicago, and I decided OK, I can do that! So I made an Animoto video of our weekend in Chi-town. My husband and two older daughters ran the Rock-n-Roll half-marathon on Sunday. I watched with my mother-in-law, my youngest daughter, and two boyfriends. They did great! We had a packed weekend with lots of walking and eating. Enjoy my video!

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The Habit of Play

Posted in Slice of Life, tagged 8 Habits of Love, art, Creativity, Ed Bacon, play on July 16, 2013| 7 Comments »

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Children have an exquisite capacity to play, to imagine, to create stories, to connect with nature, art, and ritual. When children move into an imaginative space in their minds and spirits, a world of possibility and promise opens up for everyone. –Ed Bacon

This summer I have been responding to Ed Bacon’s book 8 Habits of Love. The 5th chapter is what I’ve been waiting for, the Habit of Play. What a boring world this would be without play!

This week I coordinated an art camp for kids. Each day we made something new. Rainsticks, cardboard self-portraits, and wood sculptures. We read The Dot by Peter Reynolds and made our unique dots. This was the 6th year for our art camp, and I finally had the brilliant idea to make a “Free Time Activity Box.” One little girl built a park scene using pink paper, pink tape, some wood scraps, sequins, etc. We put a sign next to it, “Do not touch.” It stayed up all week. Finally we transferred the scene to a scrap piece of foam board. I was fascinated to watch her play.

A sense of Play is essential to happiness and a feeling of safety in this world. Ed Bacon speaks of the difference between childlikeness and childishness. “Childlikeness makes room for everyone to play.”

Recently a friend of mine, a colleague and young mother, died in her sleep at 41 leaving three young children. As you can imagine, there were feelings of sadness,confusion,and helplessness. Following the service, I watched as my priest lifted up her 3-year-old son. He smiled and bounced the boy up and down. “I love you. We sure had fun today, didn’t we?” A sense of play in the midst of so much sorrow helped me see the hope that lives in love.

Love always wins. When we allow love to be in our nature, Play helps us relax and see the beauty in God’s gift of childlikeness to us all.

Instructions for Play

Leap in the green grass meadow.
Blow bubbles into the wind.
Twirl a girl in a swirling dress.
Open up the blossom of a flower.
Wave to everyone you see.
Smile, it’s always contagious.
Run through the sprinkler.
Climb a tree.
Make a bird out of an egg carton.
Create a space ship from a paper towel tube.
Laugh, giggle, belly guffaw.
Spend time with someone you love.
Praise the creator of Play.
–Margaret Simon, all rights reserved

When we invite Play in to all areas of our lives, we turn away from our fearful natures and invite the loving self to reengage with the world and with the parts of our brains that imagine and create. –Ed Bacon

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The Habit of Candor

Posted in Slice of Life, tagged 8 Habits of Love, Candor, Ed Bacon on July 9, 2013| 7 Comments »

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Practice

Not the high mountain monastery

I had hoped for, the real

face of my spiritual practice

is this:

the sweat that pearls on my cheek

when I tell you the truth
–Kim Rosen

Candor (from Merriam-Webster)

whiteness, brilliance
obsolete : unstained purity
freedom from prejudice or malice : fairness
kindliness
unreserved, honest, or sincere expression : forthrightness

During the first few weeks of summer, I started writing about Ed Bacon’s 8 Habits of Love. I wrote responses to the first three chapters, Generosity, Stillness, and Truth. Then came Candor. I got squirmy, uncomfortable, and avoided responding to the chapter. I am really not in a better place for responding to this today as I was, but a fellow blogger prodded me on in a comment last week. From Deborah at Show, not Tell, “When will we see more of the 8 Habits of Love?”

I love that the first part of the definition of Candor is “whiteness, brilliance” as if the habit of honesty may blind us with its brilliance. Is this why Candor is so hard? While I like to think of myself as someone who lives in love and not in fear, I get butterflies, the sweat on my brow, when faced with a situation that calls on me to be candid. In fact, these times make me feel completely vulnerable.

Many potentially life-giving experiences of Candor are self-sabotaged by the fear that the person you are addressing will leave, …and you will be left alone in the world.

When we engage the Habit of Candor, our open, loving hearts help alleviate our fear and give us the courage to speak our minds.

–Ed Bacon, 8 Habits of Love

Candor requires us to have a sense of security and courage in our relationship, that it is strong enough to withstand the brilliance of honesty. I am blessed to have a husband who will not let us sleep with anger or an unsettled matter. We talk a lot. Communication is key to our long lasting relationship. (30+ years!) I believe this strongly. Even as an introvert having to battle with my own insecurities, I have come to respect Candor as necessary, no matter how hard or painful. Our honest conversations have helped me improve myself as a wife, mother, and teacher.

Candor is also instrumental in sustaining my relationships with my children. My daughters are now in their twenties. I can remember many candid conversations with them as teenagers. I once said to my daughter, “Do we have a kid problem here or a teacher problem?” Once we had the honest conversation about whose responsibility her grades were, we were able to move forward to address the issue. The teen years are the hardest, in my opinion, and there were many times when I wanted to bury my head in the sand. By being open to conversations, honest conversations, I feel my daughters are stronger and more goal oriented. They have a support system backing them up at all times.

While I am an avid fan of honesty, sometimes it can cause painful resentment. Ed Bacon talks about this. “Even when the intention of Candor is positive, people often react to it with ferocious defensiveness.” We want to protect ourselves from criticism. I find in my most trusted relationships, I can ask for Candor and receive it much better than from someone I do not know well.

I have grown to love and care about my writing partners in my writing group. While I still try to temper criticism with praise, I sometimes say things that I think a total stranger would take offense to; however, we have built a level of safety that allows us to be candid. And we know that the spirit is a giving one; we support each other in all our writing endeavors. Ed Bacon says that Candor is a compliment, an act of trusting the relationship.

Candor takes courage. Courage means opening your heart. But if all is done in love, then Love will temper Candor with Kindness. You may need to be patient and persistent. The world may not be ready for what you have to say.

In what ways are you using Candor? Have you found it difficult to be honest? What is the risk?

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Dear Art Man

Posted in Poetry, Slice of Life, tagged A&E Gallery, New Iberia, Paul Schexnayder on July 2, 2013| 8 Comments »

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Motel Beau Sejour by Paul Schexnayder

On Friday, I joined a group of teachers from the Acadiana Writing Project on a writing marathon. I took two other teachers with me to show them my friend and colleague Paul Schexnayder’s gallery. I sat next to the above painting and wrote him a letter. Paul was dubbed “Art Man” some years ago when he taught at the school my children attended. He has become the Art Man of New Iberia promoting local artists in an old historical building known as A&E Gallery after the original owner, August Erath.

Serendipitously, Paul posted his before and after paintings on Facebook and gave me permission to post them here. This painting is one of his Hometown Series. Residents remember this motel that stood at the western edge of town in the 1960’s and 70’s.

Click here to visit Paul’s website.

Dear Art Man,
I’m here in your gallery today. Like Goldilocks,
I sit in your chair. You know the one:
an old metal stool with the white vinyl seat
splattered with paint, just-right
for reaching the easel. Your apron is draped
over the back. I try it on, pretend
to be you.

Here is an aerial photograph of your subject.
Did you use it to lay out your design?
Are you finished yet? I’m not sure.
Are you?

The sky is a deep dark blue stretching to near white
in the far right hand corner. The sun, perhaps, is rising.
A line of trees defines the horizon. In the foreground,
a sign:

Motel,
Free TV,
Beau Sejour,
Swimming Pool, Restaurant

I recognize the Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser
I had as a child, fake wood on the side.
Does this one have a sunroof or an AM/FM radio
like ours?

I want to go jump into the motel pool
alluring me with a curvy white slide.
I see your foam plate palettes still full of paint.
Do I dare dip a brush in?
Make my mark on your developing masterpiece?
I can hop into the station wagon,
ride to Motel Beau Sejour—
uninvited.

–Margaret Simon, all rights reserved

Motel Beau Sejour finished by Paul Schexnayder.

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Summer on New Castle Lake

Posted in Poetry, Slice of Life, tagged family, Mississippi, Travel on June 25, 2013| 8 Comments »

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I have had a wonderful, peaceful week with my parents in Madison, MS. on New Castle Lake. They look out at the lake every day. There is something so calming about watching water. Each day, they are visited by a great blue heron, a gaggle of Canada geese, and a family of mallards. Each evening, the sun sets over the horizon making a new painting in the sky.

Each day we embarked on an outing. The first fell on my mother’s birthday. We attended her monthly book club meeting that took place in a Circa 1908 Revival mansion The Fairview Inn B&B and restaurant. I loved being surrounded by smart southern women discussing books and life! They put a candle in Mom’s crème brûlée.

Happy Birthday, Dot!

The next day the three of us went to the Mississippi Museum of Art for lunch and a viewing of the Old Masters to Monet. We also enjoyed the permanent collection and the quilt competition.

On Thursday, we went to the Mississippi Craftsmen Center on the Natchez Trace. So many talented artists and craftsmen in Mississippi!

The rest of the week included hearing my brother play with two other musicians at a fine restaurant, a bookstore visit with my dad, and seeing my sister-in-law in Steel Magnolias. She played the mother, M’Lynn and had me sobbing by the end.

My favorite part was just being there, having time to read, write, and visit with my family. One evening we sat out on the screened-in porch. I read aloud poems by Natasha Trethewey (who is originally from Mississippi) while Mom tracked the stars on her iPad. I wrote the following poem:

Tonight,
instead of TV,
we stargaze;
chart the evening sky on the iPad app.

Mom announces Venus
above the horizon
glimmering like an orange diamond,

not unlike the firefly
with its lonely, silent flashes.

When we stop talking,
frogs moan, crying
like spoiled children resisting bedtime:

Let me stay a little longer,
to find more stars,
to catch more stories,
to be more awake!

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